5 Myths Vs Facts: Unconsummated Relationships

Are you struggling to get physically intimate with your partner? As hard as it may believe, even in this day and age of non-stop porn, reality show flings, and sex articles that exhibit a very progressive culture of sex, there continue to be many cases of unconsummated marriages.

Unconsummated marriage (UM) is when a couple has not been able to successfully engage in sexual intercourse despite being married and cohabitating. Even after the advent of medical and psychological intervention, many continue to suffer in secret and shame and all the false information online doesn’t help take away from this feeling either.

Have you ever thought about what could be coming in the way of you having a fulfilling sexual relationship with your partner?

Common Factors Responsible For Unconsummated Marriages

The most common factors responsible for unconsummated marriages could range from having a sexual dysfunction/ sexual concern or having a lack of sexual incompatibility to psychological disorders like severe anxiety, sexual phobias or past trauma, stopping intercourse from being an enjoyable ordeal.

Others can include religious beliefs or cultural factors, communication difficulties, and financial or lifestyle differences. In some cases, the reason for an unconsummated marriage may be unknown or complex and may require the help of a therapist or counsellor to address it.

Sexual Incompatibility

Sexual incompatibility is one of the most common factors responsible for unconsummated marriages. It refers to a mismatch between the sexual desires and needs of the partners in a relationship. This can include differences in libido, sexual preferences, and/or sexual expectations.

When one partner has a higher desire or a different sexual preference than the other, it can cause tension, frustration and dissatisfaction in the relationship. It can also lead to a lack of intimacy and sexual dissatisfaction, which can ultimately result in an unconsummated marriage.

Psychological Disorders

Psychological disorders can be a contributing factor to unconsummated marriages. Some examples of these disorders include anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and others. These disorders can impact a person’s ability to form and maintain intimate relationships and can cause difficulties with sexual functioning. Anxiety, for example, can lead to sexual dysfunction such as vaginismus, premature ejaculation, difficulty achieving an erection, or difficulty reaching an orgasm. Depression can also affect sexual desire and sexual performance.

Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction is a common factor that can contribute to unconsummated marriages. Sexual dysfunction refers to the inability to experience sexual pleasure or perform sexually in a satisfying way. This can manifest in a variety of ways, including difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection, premature ejaculation, difficulty reaching orgasm, pain during intercourse or dyspareunia.

Severe Vaginismus

Severe vaginismus is a condition that can cause unconsummated marriages. It is a condition characterized by involuntary muscle spasms in the vaginal area, making penetration extremely painful or impossible. This can be caused by psychological or emotional factors such as anxiety, fear, or past trauma, but can also be caused by physical conditions such as vulvodynia or vaginal infections. Unconsummated marriages can occur when one partner has vaginismus and is unable to engage in sexual intercourse.

Cultural Factors And Religious Beliefs

Cultural and religious beliefs can play a role in unconsummated marriages. In some cultures and religions, premarital sex is discouraged or even prohibited, which can lead to an unconsummated marriage. This can occur when couples who are expected to wait until marriage to have sexual intercourse find that they are unable to engage in sexual activity once they are married, either due to a lack of experience or because of conflicting beliefs and values.

Examples of these include wedding night anticipation, the presence of relatives waiting nearby to confirm evidence of the bride losing her virginity on the wedding night in traditional societies, religious rules preventing sexual experiences before the wedding, lack of sexual freedom, and lack of experiences before the wedding, etc.

Here Are Some Myths And Facts On Unconsummated Relationships

Myth #1

Your mental health does not play a significant role in unconsummated relationships. You probably have sexual dysfunction if you cannot consummate your marriage or relationship.

Fact 

Working couples face intense job pressure to fulfil deadlines due to today’s competitive society, which causes severe mental stress and exhaustion. They are essentially only available to each other on weekends, and even then, it might be challenging to organize time together if one of them has a different work schedule. This leads to reasons such as “no mood tonight,” “have had a difficult day, and want to sleep,” “am exhausted, have to complete a project and get back to work early,” and other scenarios that have an impact on their sex life.

Myth #2

It only occurs in arranged marriages where you and your partner are less familiar with each other’s needs.

Fact – 

Whether you are in a relationship, have an arranged marriage, or stay in a live-in, these factors will never affect your sexual relationship with your partner. Research says couples who love each other also have to deal with concerns relating to a lack of understanding, shyness, anxiety, and fear.

Myth #3

It’s a TABOO! Don’t discuss this with anyone, and don’t consult a doctor!

Fact –

One should never hesitate to consult a doctor if needed. Your body might be going through something serious that you could be unaware of but should be taken note of. Often the diagnosis is missed by doctors & the dismissive attitude of medical professionals also is responsible for the couple’s suffering for a long.

Sexual dysfunction such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, performance anxiety in men, and vaginismus in women have primarily been described. Another potential cause is vulvodynia, a painful condition frequently occurring when the genitalia is handled.

Myth #4

Therapy cannot cause any significant improvements!

Fact –

Premarital sex education can reduce the number of unconsummated marriages as it decreases the spread of incorrect or insufficient knowledge of sex. Meeting frequently while courting might improve communication and comfort between partners, preventing the condition. After marriage, couples might receive counselling or sex therapy on their sexual and physical interactions and sex education.

Myth #5

Pornography can help fix this!

Fact –

India is still on its way to becoming a sexually progressive country, hence many lack understanding about sex or have it adversely presumptively known, which prevents many people from having sex after marriage. They can only obtain this information online, but a lot of it originates from dubious pornographic websites, which frequently only serve to perplex the relationship further. Some people may negatively perceive sex; therefore, they might not partake in it or permit their partner to do so.

Can Anything Be Done To Resolve It?

The majority of these concerns can be resolved with the correct information, the right direction, counselling, and or physical therapy. Long-term unconsummated relationships between couples may require couples counselling. Premarital education and counselling can significantly reduce the frequency of unconsummated marriages, as well as the distress in marital relationships.

Sexual health is as important as physical and mental health. In most cases, one consultation can go a long way. Personalized, discreet and judgement-free treatment at your fingertips – book an online consultation with one of Allo’s leading experts.

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