Trigger Warning: This handbook will discuss sensitive content related to sexual violence/assault and child abuse. Topics discussed in this lesson will be difficult to read or talk about. If you feel like you might have concerns that you would like to address with regard to similar contexts, please do feel free to consult with our doctors (psychologists, physicians, psychiatrists) at Allo health.
Sexual intercourse or activity should always be consensual and respectful, and both partners should have an equal say in when, where, and how it occurs. In the first lesson of this handbook, we will explore the concept of ‘sex on demand’, its potential adverse effects on relationships, and how to establish healthy communication and boundaries in a sexual relationship.
What Is Consensual Sex?
Consensual sex refers to sexual activity between two or more adults who freely and willingly agree to engage without coercion or pressure from others. In consensual sex, ‘consent’ would mean that each person involved in the sexual activity has explicitly and voluntarily agreed to participate in it.
Consent must also be ongoing throughout the sexual encounter, which means that any changes in the level or type of activity must be agreed upon by all parties involved.
Why Should Sex Be Mutually Consented To?
Without mutual consent, sex can be harmful, traumatic, and even illegal. Any sexual activity that involves force, coercion, or pressure without consent is considered sexual assault or rape, which is a serious crime. It can cause emotional distress, physical harm, and long-lasting trauma for the victim. Even if the victim does not resist physically, if they do not provide clear and enthusiastic consent, it is not consensual sex.
Mutual consent also allows both partners to feel respected and valued in the relationship, and it can deepen the emotional connection and intimacy between them.
Consensual Sex: Explained
Consensual sex requires that all participants have the capacity to give informed consent, which means that they are of legal age and have the emotional ability to understand the nature of the activity and its potential consequences.
Age And Sexual Consent: Minimum Age Requirement And Age Of Sexual Consent
The terms “minimum age requirement” and “age of sexual consent” are often used interchangeably, but they can have slightly different meanings depending on the jurisdiction.
In general, the “minimum age requirement” refers to the minimum age at which a person is considered legally competent to engage in certain activities. This can include things like driving, voting, drinking alcohol, or consenting to medical treatment. The minimum age requirement for these activities can vary depending on the jurisdiction and the specific activity.
The “age of sexual consent” specifically refers to the age at which a person is considered legally able to consent to engage in sexual activity. This can include any kind of sexual activity, from kissing to sexual intercourse. Like the minimum age requirement, the age of sexual consent can vary depending on the jurisdiction.
In many cases, the age of sexual consent is the same as the minimum age requirement for other activities, such as voting or driving. However, this is not always the case. In some jurisdictions, the age of sexual consent may be higher or lower than the minimum age requirement for other activities.
So, What Is Considered The Minimum Age Of Sexual Consent?
The minimum age of sexual consent varies by country and jurisdiction. In most countries, the age of consent is between 16 and 18 years old. Engaging in sexual activity with a person below the age of consent (sexual activity or intercourse with minors) is generally considered a criminal offence and can result in serious legal consequences, including imprisonment and registration as a sex offender.
It is important to note that the age of consent is designed to protect minors from exploitation and abuse, and individuals should always seek explicit consent from their partners regardless of their age.
Implied And Explicit Consent
Implied and explicit consent are two different types of consent that can be given in sexual situations.
Explicit consent
It refers to a clear and direct agreement to engage in sexual activity. This can be given
verbally
in writing,
or through other forms of communication that make it clear that all parties involved understand what is being agreed to
Explicit consent is considered the most reliable and ethical form of consent because it ensures that all parties involved are fully aware of what is happening and have agreed to it without any confusion or coercion.
Implied consent
On the other hand, implied consent is not explicitly stated but rather inferred from a person’s actions or behaviour. This can include nonverbal cues like
body language,
facial expressions,
or actions that suggest a willingness to engage in sexual activity
Implied consent can be ambiguous and open to interpretation, and there is a risk that it may not accurately reflect a person’s actual wishes or intentions.
While implied consent may be given in some situations, explicit consent is always the best and most reliable form of consent. Individuals should always seek clear and direct agreement from their partners before engaging in any sexual activity and should be prepared to stop or pause if consent is withdrawn at any point.
Enthusiastic Consent
This type of consent refers to a type of clear and affirmative consent in which all parties involved actively and eagerly participate in sexual activity. It is characterized by a sense of excitement, enthusiasm, and desire to engage in sexual activity, rather than simply giving passive or reluctant agreement.
Enthusiastic consent is not just about saying “yes” to sexual activity but also actively participating in the sexual activity, communicating what one likes or does not like, and being respectful of each other’s boundaries.
What Does Not Count As Sexual Consent?
Consent is an ongoing process, and it can be withdrawn at any time. Individuals should always seek explicit, enthusiastic consent from their partners before engaging in sexual activity, and should be prepared to stop or pause if consent is withdrawn at any point. An absence of consent can look like this
Silence: Silence or the absence of “no” does not necessarily mean “yes.” Consent must be given explicitly and cannot be assumed or inferred from the absence of objection or resistance.
Coercion or Pressure: Consent given under coercion or threat of harm is not considered valid. Coercion can take many forms, including physical force, emotional pressure, or threats.
Intoxication: Sexual activity with someone who is incapacitated due to alcohol or drugs is not considered consensual. If a person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, they may not be able to give valid consent.
Age: Individuals who are below the age of consent cannot legally give consent to engage in sexual activity. The minimum age of sexual consent varies by country and jurisdiction.
Power dynamics: Consent cannot be given if there is a power imbalance that makes it difficult for a person to freely and voluntarily choose to engage in sexual activity. This can include situations where one person is in a position of authority over the other or where there is a significant age difference between the parties involved.
Non-Consensual Sex And Sexual Assault: Are They The Same?
Non-consensual sex is any sexual activity that occurs without the explicit and enthusiastic consent of all parties involved. This can take many forms, including but not limited to rape, sexual coercion, and sexual harassment. Non-consensual sex is a violation of a person’s bodily autonomy and a form of sexual assault.
Sexual assault is any form of unwanted sexual activity that is forced upon a person without their consent. Sexual assault can include non-consensual sex, but it can also include non-contact activities such as groping, fondling, or any other unwanted sexual touching. Sexual assault is a crime and can have long-lasting emotional, psychological, and physical effects on the survivor.
Would It Be Considered Non-Consensual Sex If Arousal Is Experienced?
Does the body’s involuntary physiological response to sexual stimulation equate to ‘consent’?
As already stated in the question, arousal is a physiological response that may occur even in situations where a person does not want or consent to sexual activity. Just because a person may physically respond to touch or stimulation, it does not mean they have given their consent.
Consent requires active and ongoing communication between all parties involved to ensure that everyone is fully aware of what is happening and has the opportunity to provide explicit and enthusiastic consent. Any sexual activity that occurs without such consent is non-consensual and may be considered sexual assault or rape.
Cases Where One Party Is Unable To Or Does Not Consent To Sex?
A person may be unable to give consent when they are not capable of understanding the nature and consequences of the sexual act, or when they are unable to communicate their willingness to engage in sexual activity.
Age
In most countries, the legal age of consent is 18 years old. If a person is younger than the age of consent, they are not legally able to give consent.
Intoxication
If a person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, they may not have the capacity to understand the nature and consequences of the sexual act or to communicate their willingness to engage in sexual activity.
Mental Disability or Illness
In general, a person with a mental disability should be assumed to have the ability to consent to sexual activity, unless it is clear that they do not have the capacity to give informed consent.
If a person with a mental disability is unable to give informed consent, sexual activity with that person is considered non-consensual and could be considered a form of sexual assault or rape. It is the responsibility of the other party involved to ensure that the person with the mental disability is capable of giving informed consent before engaging in sexual activity.
Is Sexual Consent Required In A Marriage?
In a healthy and consensual sexual relationship, both partners should feel free to express their sexual desires and needs, and there should be mutual agreement about when and how often sexual activity occurs.
Sexual consent in a marriage is just as important as in any other relationship. Being married does not and should not give a person automatic consent to engage in sexual activity with their spouse without their spouse’s consent.
Sex On Demand
“Sex on demand” is a term used to describe a sexual arrangement in which one partner expects or demands sex from the other partner whenever they want it, regardless of the other partner’s desires or comfort level. Essentially, it means that one partner expects to have sexual intercourse whenever they want it, without regard for the other partner’s willingness or desire to engage in sexual activity at that moment.
The belief that one partner can demand or expect sex from their spouse anytime may stem from traditional gender roles and societal expectations surrounding marriage and sexuality. Historically, marriage was seen as a contract between a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation, and the man was often considered to have the right to demand sex from his wife.
This belief has persisted in some cultures and societies, even as societal attitudes towards marriage and sexuality have evolved. However, this assumption is not accurate or healthy, as both partners in a marriage have the right to decide whether or not to engage in sexual activity.
Marriage should not give a person automatic consent to engage in sexual activity with their spouse without their spouse’s consent. Both partners in a marriage must have the right to decide whether or not to engage in sexual activity, and each partner should respect the other’s decisions.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Can a person change their mind about sexual activity after giving initial consent?
Yes, a person can change their mind about sexual activity at any time, even if they initially gave consent. Consent is an ongoing process, and either person can withdraw their consent at any time. It is important for all parties involved to communicate clearly and respectfully about their desires and boundaries.
2. Can someone give consent if they are under the age of consent?
No, a person cannot give informed and enthusiastic consent if they are under the age of consent, which varies by jurisdiction but typically ranges from 16 to 18 years old. Engaging in sexual activity with a minor is illegal and considered sexual abuse or statutory rape.
Children are not able to give informed and enthusiastic consent to sexual activity, regardless of their age or level of maturity. Child sexual abuse is a serious and devastating form of child abuse, which can have lifelong consequences for the child’s physical, emotional, and mental health.
3. What if both individuals engaging in sexual activity are under the age of consent?
It is important to recognize that if two or more individuals under the age of consent engage in sexual activity, they may still be victims of sexual exploitation or abuse, even if the sexual activity appears to be consensual. This is because the age of consent laws are designed to protect minors from being taken advantage of by individuals who are in positions of power or authority, and who may be able to use their age and experience to manipulate or pressure them into engaging in sexual activity.
4. Can a person give consent if they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol?
No, a person cannot give informed and enthusiastic consent if they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. If a person is impaired in any way, they are not able to make fully informed decisions about sexual activity.
5. Can a person be coerced or pressured into giving consent?
No, a person cannot give true and voluntary consent if they are coerced, pressured, or threatened into it. Consent must be freely and willingly given, without any manipulation or force.
6. Is sexual consent required in a marriage?
Yes, consent is still required in a marriage. Being married does not give a person automatic consent to engage in sexual activity with their spouse without their spouse’s consent.
Sexual consent is a crucial element of healthy and respectful sexual relationships. It involves clear communication, mutual agreement, and enthusiastic participation. If you have questions or concerns about sexual consent or related issues, it is important to seek information and support from qualified professionals like a sexual consent educator, organizations, or a health care facility. This may include mental health providers, sexual assault crisis centres, legal services, or advocacy groups. You can also book an online consultation with our sexual health experts at Allo Health to guide you through your queries and treatment.
